Tuesday, February 5, 2013

A baby after a child with Down Syndrome

As many of you may know , We are expecting a little baby boy in May.

When we got the surprise that we were expecting again, We were a bit shocked to say the least.   We had talked about possibly having a 3rd.  That maybe a younger sibling would be good for both boys.  But when we got the positive pregnancy test.....  I was a bit freaked out.

We found out at our 20 wk ultrasound that Mason had cystic hygroma, a congenital defect (we were told most likely Down syndrome), and a heart defect. 
Our world as we knew it was shattered.
We were told he would not survive.

We started planning a memorial service for him ( I remember calling funeral homes asking how they do a memorial/ burial service for a baby...Thinking of this still makes me cry).  We let our family know what we wanted done , so when the time came, we wouldnt have to think of what to do.  

For the following 14wks after that day , we waited.  I had 3-5 appts a week.  All to monitor how he was surviving.  All we could do was sit , wait , and pray that he would pull through.   Finally we started getting better  news (always small bits).  We finally got to start planning his nursery and not planning a funeral. 

I went through so much emotionally during his pregnancy, that once he was born, I did not want anymore kids.  NOT because Mason has Down syndrome, but because the pregnancy itself ( cystic hygroma, heart defect, pre term labor, premeture birth, ect) was just so hard.   Over and over I kept telling Cory, no more... I just cant do it again.  

The first year of Masons life was a whirlwind.   We had heart failure, Open heart surgery, therapies, dairy allergies, ect.... You name it, we went through it!   Also through that first year, my heart took a beating.  I had to deal with the emotions of my child having to endure all these things, while others just seemed to skip through life without a care.  They had babies who didnt need life saving surgeries, or therapy to learn to sit, or be on medication for the rest of their lives.  
And looking back now, my heart was bitter.  It felt unfair at times, that we had to fight to get him here... while others just continued on with their perfect life. 

I really think it took a good year for my heart to heal. 

Finally once my heart had healed, I actually started listening to my husbands requests..
He wanted another child.

His reasons for having another one were good, but I wasnt convinced yet.  
He said it would be good for Mason to have a younger sibling to help push him.  That It would be goo for our whole family.
In my heart I knew he was right... but I was still so traumatized by Masons pregnancy that I just didn't want to do it again.

After a few more months, lots of praying, and lots of long talks, I felt like we might EVENTUALLY be ready to try again....

well God had other plans in mind.... We got a big surprise In September!  Im pretty sure God took it into his own hands ( because I may never of been 100% ready). 

With the excitement came a whole new set of fears....
Would this baby have a heart defect? Cystic hygroma? Down syndrome?

We knew that if we were to have another there were risks....
We have a 1% chance of the baby having Down syndrome, Cystic hygroma, or a heart defect.  We have that 1% because we have a child with those conditions.  So there is a chance it could all happen again.

Now the Down syndrome isnt was was scarring us, it was the heart defect and CH.   Those were the big things that threatened Mason's life in utero.   ( We know that down syndrome is not a curse, and that if we did have another with DS, we would be just fine!)

So I pretty much held my breath this whole pregnancy.
Never getting fully attached, always wondering if this would happen again.

Well last Wednesday we had our " big ultrasound".  In the same room we had Mason's ( where we learned all that was going on with him)   I was so worried going in, trying to brace myself for bad news.   The tech (HI Jen!) who did Mason's sono did this one as well.  I felt like I was right back in the same place and time.   My nerves were on edge as we began.   Jen asked how the pregnancy was going, how mason was doing. ( I think she could tell I was really nervous) As she started, the screen fill with a beautiful pic of our sweet baby... and I smiled.  I knew right then, no matter what the outcome was, all would be ok.  As I am watching the screen, she starts scaning the heart.  There in front of my eyes is a perfect 4 chamber heart, beating with a perfect beat.  Thats when the tears started,  I couldnt help myself.   That tiny heart was one of the biggest worries I had, and to see it , beating perfectly... words cant describe.   The rest of the sonogram went smoothly and Jen pointed out everything as she went along. And when she was done, she said the baby looked perfect.

Those words brought some sort of comfort ( no heart surgery, no lifetime medications) but not excitement.  We did not cheer that this baby wouldn't have Down syndrome, but we were simply relieved to have a healthy baby ( no heart surgeries!)

So while we feel blessed that this baby seems as healthy as can be, you wont find us celebrating that he doesnt have down syndrome... Why , you ask?... because we know its a blessing , not a curse.

11 comments:

  1. Congrats!! I cannot remember reading that you're expecting again, but we are due at the same time! I am so happy to hear your heart is healing. I can only imagine how scary it must have been finding out you're pregnant again and wondering what this time will be like. Continued prayers for ya!

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  2. Congratulations! I started following your blog about Mason in 2011 when I was pregnant with my Mason. Although my Mason doesn't have DS, he was born at 25 weeks and has endured many surgeries and a 5 month NICU stay. He is 20 months old now and still has a g-tube for feedings. I completely understand how you feel about feeling bitter and watching everyone else seem to have such an easy time with their pregnancies. I love seeing the pictures of your Mason and wish you all the best!

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  3. What a great post and perspective. I feel the same way about possibly having another child with Ds. I would LOVE to not have the stress of surgeries and medical problems, (fear, stress and cost), regardless of diagnosis. But part of me would still like another child with Ds. Although... still not quite ready for #2.

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  4. Congratulation to you and your family! You and Mason have never been far from my mind since your May 11 Bump days. And now another May baby! What a blessing!

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  5. Congrats! I completely understand your hesitations. Although we haven't been through half of what you went through, my first pregnancy was complicated and ended with a 3 week hospital bed rest for me and 7 weeks in the NICU for my 30 week preemie. Just thinking about her surgery on day 4 of life causes me anxiety as we begin to discuss the possibility of baby #2

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  6. I love Mason's story and how much he has overcome! God is so good...and your family deserves all the blessings in the world. Hugs! Love, your fellow May Mama- Melanie Price

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  7. Congrats on the new baby, I bet the boys are going to be uber happy to meet their little sibling.

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  8. congratulations!!!!! This is so exciting!!! Mason will be such a wonderful big brother!!! We so want a 3rd and are waiting until Joey can walk because I can't imagine carrying him while pregnant-- he's a big dude! :-)
    I am picturing being exactly in your shoes if we ever get pregnant again-- comforts me to read about your journey-- our boys are so similar--I am so, so excited for you!!! Hugs to Mason and you! Jen

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  10. Hello everyone, i am here to share my testimony on how i conceived my baby. i have been married to my husband for 12years without no issue.i had problems with my in-laws even my husband started to have new affairs aside our marriage. it was a very terrible thing to bear. i became a laughing stock among my pear, i prayed and fasted and nothing happened. i was now seen as always unhappy.i was even ready to pack out of my marital home and stay on my own because my husband was not given me any attention that i needed from him. i decided to focus on my job and try to live happy on my own. on this faithful day, i decided to check the internet for updates on healthy living and i came across a story of a man called Dr Orissa who helped his wife to conceive a baby. i decided to give him a try because this has been my greatest problem in life. today i am a proud mother with a son. words will not be enough to explained what this man did for me.i am a happy mother,i know there is someone in same condition and you feel there is no way. i urge you to contact him. This is the solution to every single mother around the globe. distance is not a barrier, he will surely make your dreams come trough. contact him today via email: (orissatemple@yahoo.com) you want your lover back or any other miracle in your life, contact him today so the world can be a better place to live.

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  11. Hello everyone, i am here to share my testimony on how i conceived my baby. by the help of a spell caster called Dr aza, i have been married to my husband for 12years without no issue.i had problems with my in-laws even my husband started to have new affairs aside our marriage. it was a very terrible thing to bear. i became a laughing stock among my pear, i prayed and fasted and nothing happened. i was now seen as always unhappy.i was even ready to pack out of my marital home and stay on my own because my husband was not given me any attention that i needed from him. i decided to focus on my job and try to live happy on my own. on this faithful day, i decided to check the internet for updates on healthy living and i came across a story of a woman called mercy, saying that Dr aza helped her with a spell that make her to conceive a baby. i decided to give him a try because this has been my greatest problem in life. today i am a proud mother with a son. words will not be enough to explained what this man did for me.i am a happy mother,i know there is someone in same condition and you feel there is no way. i urge you to contact him. This is the solution to every single mother around the globe. distance is not a barrier, he will surely make your dreams come trough. contact him today via email: azaspellcaster@gmail.com you can call him or whatsApp his number +2348107155060

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