Monday, January 31, 2011

I don't want to get my hopes up...

I feel like our pregnancy has been put on pause.

I feel stuck.

Stuck because we cant really plan on anything for the future of Mason. Its a sad feeling to not know the out come will be. Either way we will rejoice in the time God gave us with our son wither it be only time in my belly or it be 30 years with us on earth. We will be thankful for whatever God gives us.

The bigger part of me wants to believe that the hygroma will disappear, Mason will be born and find that his heart defect isn't as bad as they thought and all he has is the down syndrome. In my heart I know this isn't possible. Dont get me wrong. We are still praying for a miracle...but in all reality Mason has some major things going on right now.

I don't want to be "negative Nancy" but it just something we have to face. We are starting to realize we have a long road ahead...and I feel like we don't have a road map for this journey. There are no road signs along the way to point you in the right direction. All we can do is have faith and continue along on our journey.

Some days seem better than others. The "unknown" is just so difficult, not knowing what to plan for. It would be so much easier if the Drs could just tell us exactly what will happen. But only God knows that answer. So we sit and patiently wait to see Gods plan unfold. Because God is in control here....not us.

We have gathered a few things for Mason in case he doesnt make it to birth. My mother in law & I picked out some fabric for a blanket for Mason to be wrapped in. She sewed the little blanket for us. (sewed with love) One side is a soft green and the other side is white with light green & blue writing...the writing on the inside: "I love Mommy" "I love Daddy". I saw the fabric and knew the material was perfect for his blanket. (this is the reason the colors of the blog are light green & blue) Cory and I picked out a small green & blue onsie also to pack in his little bag. ***since we are on "high alert" we have our bags packed in case of the worst***. My prayer is that soon we will be able to put away our "high alert" bags and pack our "real hospital bags" in May.

Each day is another day we got to spend with Mason...and for that we are ever so thankful.

Hold tight little fighter. Mommy loves you.


  1. i just read this post....look how far you have come! God has been so good to your family!! Mason is a fighter and you're a very special mama that just won't ever quit.


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