We just got back from Dr. Gs office. Normal pregnant ladies have monthly appt at this time in pregnancy..but not us. We now go every 2 wks. I thought that this would be just another run of the mill appointment. I really thought I would just be going in for blood pressure check, belly measurement, and listen to the heartbeat. I was partially right.
As Im called back to the exam room, I'm greeted by someone special this time. A friend from high school, Kristina. We dont really know each other "that well" but now we a "link" to each other. Kristina just lost her son, Korbin, in Sept. She was about 26wks pregnant when she lost him. She also struggled through her pregnancy. It was an instant bond when we saw each other today. We talked and hugged and talked some more. Its comforting to know someone who has walked a similar path as you.
Dr. G came into the room shortly after I had finished talking to Kristina. He asked how I was doing. " As good as to be expected" was my reply. (Im really not sure how to answer that question anymore... I really just wanna say...Its been a horrible 2 wks, I cant sleep, I cry at random moment, ect....But I always just stick with the "as good as to be expected"). Dr. G turns and gives me a look, Then I tell him the truth, "Its been a really bad 2 wks". We chat for a bit. He measured my belly (it measured about 1.5 wks ahead) and then checked Mason's heart beat with the doppler. Its normally in the 160s. Today it was in the 120s. Lower than normal but not low enough to cause concern.
After the "normal" appt stuff was over, Dr. G sat down to talk to me. Today we had a talk I been wanting to avoid. We talked about the odds of Mason not surviving till birth. The odds are not in Masons favor. There were things decided today that I wish I didn't even have to think about..but we do.
We made a "birth plan" for if Mason doesn't survive:
I will be induced at the hospital and deliver Mason.
Our plan if Mason does make it to birth will be to deliver in Kansas City at Children s Mercy. Not our local hospital.
We will now be doing Bi-Weekly stress tests on Mason to make sure he is doing ok.
Dr. G is also going to call Dr. Evans (our high risk specialist) to see what the exact odds are for Mason to make it to birth. We should hear back from him by tomorrow. Our next appt is with Dr. Evans in 2 wks.
Its just a waiting game until then.
Today reality set in...That our Mason might not stay here on Earth with us.
Today I feel numb.