Today our lives have forever changed. Right now I cant say it has changed for the better yet...just that our lives have changed. I always thought I handled change well...until now. Now I feel like every fiber in my body wants to hold tight to last Tuesday...When everything was still perfect.
Dr. Gleason did our amnio on Friday. He told us that the results should be back by Wed. Wednesday would have been a good day for him to call (not that any day would have been good) since Cory is home on Wed.
Well God didn't want us to wait till Wednesday to know what was happening with our Mason. God wanted us to know NOW. All weekend I felt like I didn't want Wednesday to come...Because with Wed. also came reality...Reality that this is not a bad dream.
The phone rang today at 4:40pm. I looked at the caller ID. On it said "Dr. Gleason". My heart sank. NO NO NO....not now..not now. Cory wouldn't be home for another 2 hrs. I almost didn't answer it. I wasn't sure I was strong enough to handle the news he might deliver. It rang 2 time. I hit the answer key while trying to sound as hopeful as possible. I was pleading silently..."Please dont be a chromosome defect...DONT LET IT BE DOWNS". Dr. Gleason said he had the FISH test results. I took a breath. He said it came back positive for down syndrome. ....I tried to remain calm, I tried not to let my voice crack, but that didnt happen. I cried a few quick tears and then tried to ask him where we go from here. He said he will set up an appointment with Dr. Evans (high risk specialist who did our sono also) and we will go from there. He said he was very sorry to have to give us this news. He also asked if I would be ok with seeing both him and Dr. Evans..as Dr. Gleason still wanted to continue to see me through this pregnancy..and if we make it as far as delivery...he wanted to deliver Mason. (He truely is the Dr. that God knew we needed ).
I hung up the phone and I cried. We knew this was a very real possiblitiy, that all signs pointed to D.S. But the words still hurt. I called Cory a few min later. Cory seemed to handle the news just fine. He said that we already thinking he had downs. He said it doesnt change anything. Mason was still Mason. After he said that I realized, by Dr. G saying those words, nothing ever changed. Everything was still the same. Mason was still the same baby he was a week ago. He has had D.S. the whole time. I am ever so thankful for my hubby through this time. He is my rock. He loves Mason more now than ever. Never shying away from a "not perfect" baby...instead he grows closer to his sweet Mason.
God has put Mason in our lives for a reason, to learn something. I'm not sure what that lesson is yet...but we will. I know some people shy away from God, are angry with God, wondering why would God do this to us. Well I feel like my strength in God is growing stronger. I dont feel anger toward God. He has a plan for Mason and for US!
Thank you again for the continued prayers. We have several more concerns to address soon. Mainly the cystic hygroma, and AV Canal Defect. The CH only gives him a 10% survival rate. So we still need the prayers. Thanks again