Monday, January 24, 2011

Harder than I thought

Yesterday was harder than I thought it was going to be.

Mason is due May 20th.
My sister in law Cheri (Cory's sister) is due June 20th.

Its kinda nice to have someone around that knows exactly what your going through ( cravings, weight gain, Drs appointments..ect). But now things have changed. Right now her pregnancy is a reminder of how things were SUPPOSED to be for us.

Today they went for the anatomy ultrasound. This is the same ultrasound we found out about Mason's conditions. Today I prayed that their baby would be healthy. That they wouldnt have to go through what we are.

All my thoughts kept going back to Jan 5th, and how badly I wish during our ultrasound they would have said that Mason was perfect and healthy. Its was a day that was supposed to be so happy for us...instead it changed our lives completely. How different life would be if Mason was 100% healthy.

So when I got the phone call yesterday afternoon that they are having a 100% healthy baby Girl...It hurt.
It hurt bad.
Its a feeling I cant explain.
A feeling very few will ever understand.

Im so very happy that their baby is healthy and that they will never have to go through the hardship we have. But at the same time it is a reminder of everything our pregnancy was supposed to be. The part that hurts the most, that Mason chances of surviving is so low and we have to prepare for the worst. All while seeing their pregnancy progress like normal and in the end they will have a healthy baby in their arms.

I pray that God give me the strength to enjoy seeing their pregnancy progress. Its such a bittersweet thing for me. To be happy & sad all at the same time. I pray that in time, happiness will overcome my pain. That I can truly enjoy meeting my niece... without the sad feeling for Mason lingering over me.


  1. I saw your post while lurking on the bump. I know how you feel. I lost my baby at 23 weeks due to a chromosome deletion. My best friend is pregnant as is my cousin and what seems like every other fried in the world. It's hard. You want to be happy for them but it's just difficult. I would suggest you take a look at the babycenter down syndrome boards. There are more women there who know exactly what you are dealing with and can give you great strength, recommendations, and support. Best to you and your family.

  2. You are giving Mason a chance to be and do as much as he will be able with what he has and who he is. Isn't that what unconditional love is? What an awesome mom you are. I also found you through the bump. I am praying so hard for Mason, for you and your family.

  3. I just found your blog through TB also. I just wanted to give you hugs and tell you what a strong mom you are to Mason. It must be so hard seeing your SILs pregnancy progress as yours should be. I'm so sorry. You are being the best mom you could absolutely be to your son.


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