Sunday, January 23, 2011

Stuck in a rain cloud

I feel stuck.

Stuck in a rain cloud.

I feel like my "happy meter" only goes to 65%.

These last few days have been hard. I think its because I am coming to terms with what is going on with Mason. I get lost in the "what ifs" and "maybes". I find myself getting lost in my thoughts...and my thoughts always turn to Mason.

I feel stuck in the middle of this pregnancy. Stuck, because for us, there isn't a perfect ending. There are so many "normal" things we cant do now. Just normal "get ready for baby" things. Things that I so badly want to do...but I cant. Instead I have to sit on the side-lines and wait.

Im tired, my body & my heart are tired. I keep hearing everyone say "your so strong" and "I admire your strength". I almost want to look around to see if they are talking to someone else...because Im NOT strong. I don't feel like I have the strength to go through this. Maybe God got the wrong person...Im not a strong person. Not strong enough for this.

As I told a friend the other day. You dont know how strong you can be until you are a parent. When its your children you need to be strong would be amazed how strong you can be. Mason has made me strong. But God has made me stronger than I ever knew. Even though I dont feel strong...I am strong...because of GOD.

Thank you for all the continued prayers for Mason.
And a special thank you to Becca @ Jumping Jax Designs for the beautiful blog design. Thank you again Becca.


  1. Sometimes it's one day at a time... sometimes it's one moment at a time!
    You don't have to be strong. God knows. Just keep sharing your thoughts with Him.
    Continuing to pray for you!

  2. Mason remains in my heart and prayers, as do you, Mrs B, for your strength.

    Yes, you are strong, very strong! As you pointed out in a previous entry it seems a vast majority would have terminated their pg by now. They are the weak.

    There are many of us who are stuck in the middle, though, so you have company. It may not be the same reason, but we each have our own story. For us, we have nothing. My FI hasn't had a job since May and we live in a one bedroom in one of the worst areas in Philadelphia. I watch other moms prep and preen nurseries and plan what (comparitively) seems like a fairy tale. My problems may seem shallow to you, but it's all relative. I relate because I struggle. I relate because my FI and I have all our faith in God.

    Sometimes things seem like they're crushing down on me.

    Stay strong and keep on with the updates!


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