Fears for Mason

After we got the diagnosis of down syndrome, we were crushed. Everyone kept telling us everything will be ok. That Mason will just be "extra special". But there are several worries that have been running through my head....

Will others accept Mason?

Will others not think he is worth as much as normal children?

Will others only see his down syndrome , not his personality?

Will others think he is not as beautiful as normal babies?

Will they celebrate his birth?”

Will people feel uncomfortable around him?

Will people only feel sorry for us, and not share in our joy?

Will others avoid us?

I worry about how the world will accept Mason. But even more I worry about keeping him safe and praying he is born as healthy as possible.

Then I start to worry about the medical side of things...

Will Mason live?

Will the hygroma shrink or will he need surgery for that also?

How soon would he need heart surgery?

Is he strong enough for all the surgeries?

How long will he be in the NICU?

Our life is so full of un answered questions... but God will answer them one by one.

I wanted to share something....
The week we found out about Mason' condition, we went to church that Sunday. In our church bulletin was the January Focus on the Family insert. The front tittle was "Trusting in God's Faithfullness" (oh how God speaks to us). On the very back of the pamplet was this saying....

"Whenever God creates a person, He creates a new soul, a new person who never existed before. Babies do not live in heaven waiting to be born here on earth. The Bible teaches that God forms each one of us inside our mother's womb. Every baby-- even on that is not yet born -- is one of God's precious creations"

This piece of paper is now posted on our refrigerator....to remind us daily....that Mason is here for a reason.



*** Since we got so many praying for Mason, I wanted to ask for an extra prayer... I have another young mother who I have been writing back and forth to. She and her husband just found out that they are expecting a little girl with down syndrome also. She is due a week before Mason. So I ask for an extra prayer for Jessica and her family....thank you*****

Just when things were looking up....

My momma and I went to my sonogram appt. yesterday at 4pm. This was our "weekly"
sonogram. Here is the "run down".

*Mason's heart rate: 136 (normal)

*Hygroma is the same size (no bigger)(super yay!)

* He gained 10 oz in 1 week! He is now 2lbs 6oz!!!!

* 75th % for overall size (was 53rd% last wk)

* Femur length is now 56th% (was 17th% last week ...huge improvement!)

* NO HYDROPS!!

The first part of the sono went great..... then it happened.. bad news.
** Not only are the Drs watching the hygroma and hydrops, They are watching for distress.**

Mason has slowly been showing some signs of distress.

* First he doesn't do heart accelerations like he should. ( Healthy babies will respond with an increased heart rate during times of movement, and the heart rate will decrease at rest. ) Masons stays about the same. (adequate oxygen is required for fetal activity and heart rate to be within normal ranges. When oxygen levels are low, the fetus may not respond normally. Low oxygen levels can often be caused by problems with the umbilical cord.)

That leads us the the next problem....Mason's cord. He is having to work hard to push blood to and from his cord. This causes his body to have to work overtime. This puts Mason in distress. He is just over the "limit" of the safe zone for cord pressure. Last week it was higher (and he was active during sono). The main thing is that he was resting during the sono and he was still over the limit on pressure.

Now we have to monitor his "Cord doppler ratio". They are going to consult Dr. Evans on this situation. They said it may boil down to DAILY SONOGRAMS. Were praying this doesnt happen.

We were thinking we were going to deliver early due to hydrops...now its looking like we will deliver due to distress. Were still looking at delivering withing the next few weeks.

So were asking for more "detailed" prayers.
* no distress
* no edema
* no hydrops
* no early delivery

Thank you for you continued prayers...Mason is still fighting.

Here for a reason

I truly believe that Mason is here for a reason.

That God put him in our lives to do something great.

I sit back and think about all the lives my tiny little boy has touched...and all I can do is cry. We are ever so humbled by the amount of people we have praying for our Mason. To think he has "done" so much already while still in my belly...it honestly amazes me.

Mommy is so proud of you little boy.

My love for this tiny baby is more than I ever knew possible. Before getting pregnant with Mason, I wasnt sure how I could love another child as much as we love Colby. Everyone said..."You just do"... and they were right. I would do anything for Mason, just like I would do anything for Colby.

Before Mason's diagnoses, I lived life like nothing bad would ever happen to us.
I lived in a bubble (believe me, just ask Cory)
I NEVER thought some thing like "this" would happen to people like us. It never even crossed my mind something could be wrong with Mason. I was blissfully unaware that God had other plans for us.

I keep having people tell me "you so strong".....NO..NO I AM NOT!
This is not something I am handling well.
I breakdown all the time.
I cry, I worry, I pray.
Then I open my eyes and see my sweet Colby. Yes, my 20 month old beautiful son. The little boy who hugs and kisses my belly every day, who points to my belly and says" bub er & A son, yes he is who God gave me to get me through each day. To see the pureness in life. He is my sunshine through my clouds.


So yes, I believe that not just Mason is here for a reason, but that God has a reason for our whole lives.
For I ,Cory,Colby, and Mason....as a family.
He strengthens us each day.

Last night was Perfect

(Mason giving us the "thumbs up")

Last night was a very happy night.

Last night we got to go to our 3d sonogram with Cindy & Dennis of 4d ultrasound! They ever so kindly offered to do a 3d sonogram of our Mason. It was a gesture that was so kind it brought tears to my eyes. As Cindy said " its something that was needed"...and Cindy, it really was. It was ever so needed.

After all the doom & gloom, we needed something to be happy about. And this sonogram was the answer.

We had Mason's "biggest fans" there with us. My parents, Cory's parents, and Cory's grandparents. We all shuffled into the room (that is set up like a spa! oh so relaxing). Everyone took a seat . Thanks to the 3 large screens...everyone could clearly see. Mason popped right up on the screen.... and for the next hour & 45min...we enjoyed our little boy. He looked absolutely perfect on that screen. He wiggled , waved, stuck his tongue out, and kept yawning (apparently we were boring him). It was amazing to just lay back and watch him. Cindy even recorded Mason's heartbeat and put the recording into a little blue bear ( this is something I will hold very dear to my heart...now we will always be able to hear Mason's hb) It was so very special for us.

After the ultrasound was over we all chatted and viewed the photos Cindy had printed for us. Then reality hit again..and the tears started falling. As happy as we were, we still knew Mason has a long journey ahead. As my tears fell, Cindy came a gave me the biggest hug, said "I love you", and told me they were praying for Mason. To have such kind people around you while life is difficult makes all the difference in the world.

Cindy & Dennis and those type of people. They didnt have to offer to do the sono, or spend an extra 45min trying to get a face shot of Mason, but they did. And for that Iam ever so very thankful.

Thank you again Cindy and Dennis.

And now onto our sweet Mason's photos!

Dr. Appointment update

Today was Dr. Appt #2 of 3 for this week.

Today's appointment was with Dr. Gleason. It was a pretty "run of the mill" type of appt.

Here is the recap:
My weight check (gained 0 lbs..yep none)
Blood pressure check (114/68)
Urine test (no protein in urine YAY).
My uterus is still measuring 3 wks ahead.
His heart rate was 140s (like always)

Were still looking at a very possible delivery within the next 4 wks. We are still praying to get Mason as close to term as possible.

Everything checked out pretty well. We will have a sono on Friday to check on Mason's condition like last week. With the Hygroma, a lot can change in a week. So were praying for another good sono on Friday.

Im actually excited for tomorrows appointment....Its a fun one!!!! Stay tuned for some 3d/4d pics of our beautiful little boy tomorrow.

Busy Busy Week Ahead...

We have one VERY BUSY week ahead of us....and not all of it will be the "FUN" kind of busy.

Our week is going to look like this:

Monday (today): Dr. Evan @ 8:45 am for an amnio reduction (removing amnio fluid from my 40+wk size belly). The procedure was not fun, but it is necessary. It took about 30min to drain the fluid, then im monitored for another 30min to check Mason's heart rate and contractions. This time hurt alot worse than last time. I was having contractions while they did the procedure, well that made my uterus thicker than normal, and that made Dr. E move the needle sideways...IN MY BELLY! But its over now and Im resting. Cory will be making us a yummy dinner while I stay off my feet!

Tues: Reg check-up with Dr. Gleason. Well...we pray its just a regular check up.

Wed: (fun day) We were blessed with a very kind offer from Dennis & Cindy at 4d ultrasound. We had our "sneak & peek" appointment with them in early December...before we knew of Mason's diagnosis. It was a WONDERFUL experience and we were so well taken care of by Dennis & Cindy. We had planned to do another ultrasound at 26wk to do some 3d/4d viewing of Mason....but then in Jan we found out about Mason. So I contacted Dennis to tell him we wouldn't be coming to our next appointment (with all of our Dr. appointments....were trying to save money for unforeseen costs.) Dennis quickly replied back that they were very sorry to hear about Mason's conditions, and they would still like for us to come in. It is ever so kind of them to offer this for us. Im so excited to get to "see" Mason. While we have a lot of ultrasounds, they are always "all business" not just for fun! We will have my parents, Cory's parents, and Cory's grandparents there with us. (Stay tuned for some new sono pics of Mason!)

Friday: ultrasound with Dr. Gleason to check on Mason. Praying this sonogram goes as well as the last one!

So that is our week.....Crazy.... but that is our life right now. We are just "chuggin along".

Thank you for your continued prayers for Mason!

Prayers are being answered!!!!!!

Today some of our prayers were answered! We went for our sonogram today to check on Mason's condition. We knew what the 2 outcomes could be. We knew "something" would happen today... and GOD BLESSED US!!

I am so happy to report that Mason's hygroma is SMALLER (by quite a bit) , his edema is no worse, and there are NO HYDROPS (fluid on the organs)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mason is growning like a weed also, he was 1lb 3oz a week and a half ago, and is now 1lb 12oz!!

Our prayers are being answered!!
We are so thankful to FINALLY get some good news.

Our sweet Mason looked so perfect on the screen. It brought tears to my eyes. I just have this feeling all will be ok.

He is now in the 53rd% overall sized (was 42nd)
His femur is now in the 17th% (was 9%)
My amnio fluid is off the charts still & will need to have another amnio reduction :(


Were not out of the woods yet...but were on a much better road today.

Keep the prayers coming...because they are working!!!!!!

Holding my breath

Today I feel like I am holding my breath, waiting for "something" to happen. Im not sure what the "something" is that I am waiting for....just that "something" has to happen.

Something good
Something bad
Just something

We have at least 1 Dr. appt a week right now (sometimes more). I keep waiting for that "something" at each appointment. I feel like we are going to get that "something" tomorrow. Yes , tomorrow. Tomorrow we have a ultrasound to check on Mason. Check his hygroma, his edema, and to check for hydrop. ***hydrops are fluid around his organs, hydrops are 100% fatal in Masons case*** I just have this feeling deep down.... that we will get some news tomorrow...just not sure if it will be good news or bad.

There are 2 scenarios possible tomorrow:
#1: GOOD NEWS: hygroma is smaller, no more edema, and no hydrops.
#2: Bad New: hygroma is larger, edema is worse, and there are hydrops present.

We are praying ever so hard for #1! Because I dont think I can handle #2. If Mason shows the hydrops we will be induced to try to "help him " before the hydrops do their damage. This mommy isnt ready for that. Not yet, not ever.

Before each ultrasound, i secretly pray that Mason pops on the screen and he is perfectly healthy. No hygroma or heart defect. That has yet to happen, but I will continue to pray it does.

So for all those who are praying with us.... pray tomorrow morning brings us good news.

(our appointment is at 8:45am)

Little Blessings along the way

While I wrote about Getting things together a few days ago, I had been looking on Etsy.com for some monogram gown for Mason. I found a gown i liked and wanted to order. So I contacted the ladies to ask them if they have preemie size. They quickly responded that they were very sorry but the smallest size they had newborn size. I shared with the ladies what was going on and why we would need such a small gown.

Then God showed us the sunshine again!

These wonderful ladies went above and beyond. They custom made our little Mason a special gown. A beautiful gown. They hand constructed it to make it small enough for him. Also not only did they custom make this special gown....they wouldn't let me pay for it. This was their gift for Mason.

When they emailed me the photo of the gown, all I could do is cry. It is perfect, simply perfect.
Here is the gown.
The gown underneath is a newborn size gown.

Thank you again Anne Everett Rae for this very special gown.

Getting things together

Since our news on Wed. we have been getting things together for Mason. We have realized that though we pray everyday for our little boy to pull through....its very possible we will meet him in the next few weeks.

Our have had to talk about a few thing i never though we would ever have to do. Arrangements for Mason if God calls him to heaven.

As a parent you never think about burying your child. In my mind...a parent shouldn't ever have to bury a child. But this is life...and life is hard. Life is harder than I ever knew possible. There is more pain , tears, and heartache than our hearts can handle.

We have started making plans for Mason's "early arrival". Our wonderful family is helping as much as they can. Its easier now that everyone knows what our wishes are, without having to repeat them during this journey.

We are gathering a few thing for Mason, special things. Cory's mom has already made the blanket (light green like in the dream) along with a smaller version to keep in a memory box. (Trying to find a green one with elephant on it??) I have learned how to knit hats this week ...and have knitted Mason a tiny hat. We found some small white booties also..but im afraid they will be to big (not sure where to find smaller ones?). We are still looking for a "micro preemie" gown to dress him in.

** My hope are that one day I can pull out that memory box and show Mason what a true miracle he is ***

As we gather these thing my heart breaks a little more. I dont want to make arrangements or pick out gowns , but I want to be prepared. I want to enjoy the time we have with Mason. So if that means planning ahead so we can, I will.

My eyes are tired.
Tired from crying everyday.
I try to distract myself with thing...but the thoughts of what is to come overtake me.

Please God give me the strength to do this...for I don't think Iam strong enough for this pain.

Upsetting appointment today,

I had an appointment with Dr. G this morning. I thought today would be a usual appointment, blood pressure check, hear the heartbeat, weight check, and measure my belly. I was partially right...because they did do all those things. But then the appointment took a turn.

We were told we need to prepare for Masons arrival, soon.

With the fluid backup & the Edema, Mason is heading down hill. We knew that there was a major possibility that this was going to happen. And now it is happening.

We are going to do weekly sonograms to check on Mason. So we will know if he does make a turn for the worse. If Mason condition worsens we will deliver. We were told we will most likely deliver before 30wks now(if Mason makes it that far). That is only 5 wks away. There isn't much that they can do for him if he is delivered but at least we will get to spend some time with him.

We are still praying that Mason pulls through and beats the odds.

I wanted to share something with you :

The night we found out about Mason's conditions I had a dream. In my dream, I was holding a tiny baby boy. He was wrapped in a soft green blanket. I couldnt see his face but I could see his fuzzy hair peeking over the blanket. I was at the Gates of heaven, where an angel met me there. She took the baby from my arms and quietly whispered something to him. Then she gently smiled at me and turn and walked slowly back into heaven.

I had this dream again last night, same dream as before. I feel as though God is telling me he will take care of Mason till Mommy can hold him again.

Amnio reduction procedure yesterday...

Yesterday I had an amnio reduction procedure done. The procedure was done because my amniotic fluid is off the charts! My fluid level should be at 12 at the most. Last wed my fluid was 26. yeah.....not good. Then we went in on Monday to find my fluid is now almost 30 (in 5days).

The procedure is pretty simple. We started out with a sonogram (love sneaking another peek at Mason) and sweet Terri got some good 3d pics of Mason's face. She measured the fluid and then found the best place to remove the fluid. Then Dr. Evans came in and set up the area. ***this procedure is very similar to a amniocentesis (except they take a lot more out***. Then the procedure started. Dr. E inserted a long needle all the way to my uterus. Then he has to "pop" through the uterus (worst part). Then he starts draining the fluid off. I laid really still as not to move the needle. Mason must of known to sit still also because he didn't move much the whole time..except when he tried to grab the needle!! After about 25min later they were finished and removed the needle.

Terri then monitored Mason for a bit after wards. She measured the fluid levels again and said we went from almost 30 to 20. Still off the charts but I feel SO MUCH BETTER. My belly is actually smaller!! And if you have seen my belly recently...you would have thought I could deliver any day! Yes it was that big.

I went home afterwards and took it easy the rest of the day. Cory made us dinner and took care of Colby so I could rest. And rest I did...until Colby woke up sick at 1am ....back to the real world for me!

So for the recap:
Mason still looks good on the sono.
My belly is smaller (YAY!!)
Cory is a great husband
Colby is sick (booo)
and now Mommy needs a nap

Thank you again for all the prayers we are still receiving! It amazes me everyday how many people are praying for our Mason. It is just truly humbling to realize that so many people love your child and pray for his well being.

Thank you again

Here is little Mason's face. To the right is placenta ...not the hygroma



P.S.
Thank you Jody for the ever so special donation in Mason's name. You are truly a special woman. May God bless you and keep you in his care. (hold that little girl tight)